Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
