Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
