VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My bed smells like the plague
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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