I didn't shave. On purpose
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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