it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
