Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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