so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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