I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
