im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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