So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
