Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
