Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
