Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
