I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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