This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize