dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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