she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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