he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
