Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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