Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
