he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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