as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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