dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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