I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
