Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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