Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
