Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
