The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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