Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
