you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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