i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
