i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
