Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
