fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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