hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
