i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize