trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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