She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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