At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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