how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
