Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
