Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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