just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think people are normalizing furries
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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