I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
