bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
