What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
