She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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