you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
