bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
