I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
