She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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