so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
