I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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