only if we run a train.
done.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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