so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
