im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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