maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
