I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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