Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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