you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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