3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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