Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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