Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
