he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
there is puke in my bra ... again
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